Pivot! PIVOT! PIVOOOOT!: Gillette Venus Sensitive Disposable Razors

Figgy

Hallelujah and blessed be, I've finally found a disposable razor that I don't want to throw into the deepest pits of fiery hell!

You can't see me right now, but I'm raising the roof, here in my pajamas, like the biggest dork in the history of the planet. That's how happy I am.

I've always liked Venus razors. They're not perfect but they do the job and last forever, which, as far as I'm concerned, is a good enough reason to keep buying them forever. But I was intrigued by how the packaging claimed that the new Venus Sensitive razors had a pivoted head that contoured to your body.

More like Herbal Mehssences: Herbal Essence's "Body Envy" Shampoo

Figgy

You might remember how much I love my Herbal Essences "Hello, Hydration!" shampoo. My ridiculously fine, oily hair loves the stuff. The smell is amazing and never fails to wake me up in the morning. But...

You might also remember how I have the attention span of a gnat, and how  every now and then I get the urge to try something new, even though the old works perfectly fine. Fixin' what ain't broke, that's me.

So while perusing the shampoo aisle at the Walmart (while my husband grumbled on about how there's five million shampoos for women and like, three for me)  I was drawn to the pretty orange bottle of Herbal Essence's Body Envy shampoo.Well, it wasn't just the bottle. It also smelled really good. I have a theory that Herbal Essences drops in some mythical potions  and shit into their shampoos, because they all smell freakin' amazing.

Figgy Rants: The Wonders of Chamomille Tea

Figgy

GOTCHA! You thought this was gonna be a hate-filled post, didn't ya? Well shows how much you know,  Smartypants McSmarty. Today, I am here to love. Because Chamomile Tea is a miracle and everyone should know about it.

Let me give you some background.

There are two things I'll always associate with my grandmother: Clouds of Givenchy perfume, and chamomile tea. One of my earliest memories is of her fixing me a cup with plenty of honey and lime juice to make my stomach feel better after I'd eaten way too many cookies at her house. She's one of those grandmas, you know: when they're not feeding you, they're giving you money to go buy more food. Pretty awesome until you start getting stomach cramps at night because your stomach didn't like the fifteen million cheetos you tried to cram it with earlier.

Pretty (in Cheap) Pastels: Avon's Nailwear Pro+

Figgy

Hallelujah! I've found a non-shitty nail polish that I actually like!

As you might know, I'm a bit of a fiend for coloring my nails. It's an easy, fast way to put some color into my life, and I like changing my polish almost weekly.

You might also know that most polishes are pretty terrible. They crack, peel and chip away almost hours after you apply them. I've tried everything from Rimmel (remember that? Worst POS I've ever tried), OPI (I love the colors but those polishes don't last for shit on me), and Sally Hansen (mostly really good and cheap). So I wanted to try something new.

Cup o' Sadness: Quaker's Real Medley Instant Oatmeal

Figgy

I have no funny story about why or how I bought Quaker's Real Medley Instant Oatmeal. I just wanted some quick breakfast foods to eat every morning before work, and figured I could just try these cute little boxes of instant oatmeal. I bought two: the apple-walnut and the pistachio-cranberry mixes and took 'em home.

I tried the apple-cinnamon first, mixing it with water. Once I opened the package I was not-entirely surprised to see that there's only about half a cup's worth of stuff at the bottom of the cup. You fill it up with water and cook for 45 seconds. EASY! Which is exactly the amount of effort I want to put into making breakfast at 6 in the morning.

Ten Hottest Pictures of Jon Hamm (HAAAAAAAAMMM!!!)

Figgy

I can't even tell you how long it took me to decide on just ten photos of HAAAAAAAAAAAAMM. Because it's not possible. Because he's the most handsome man on the planet earth, and you can't narrow beauty like that to ten photos. But I tried. For you.

Don Draper's a dick, but god, he's pretty.

Dove Body Wash for Sensitive Skin

Figgy

I think you all know by now of my undying love for The Body Shop's bath gels and their delicious smelling lathery goodness. But alas,  I realized (when the last drops of my Shea Butter Gel disappeared, *sob*) that I really can't afford to throw $8 for a bath gel I love so much it disappears in 10 days. So I needed to find something that had: 1)a lot more product, 2) was reasonably priced and 3) was gentle enough to not make my extremly sensitive skin break out into rashes at the end of a shower.

After staring at the bath gel aisle at Target for what felt like 15 hours, I finally decided to go with what I knew (and was recommended by a Hot Inker!): Dove Body Wash. I picked out the Sensitive Skin version because it claimed to be soap-free, and took it home with me.

From the start, I really liked that the gel had a very soft, gentle fragrance. It's almost not there. It's got a very thick consistency and a little makes for a lot of rich lather, which I loved. Once I washed it off there was no icky feeling of residue and best of all, my skin didn't immediately feel dried up as it does with most body washes.

Agree To Disagree: Schick Quattro Razors are the Best!

MelBivDevoe

Recently, my esteemed colleague and Rantmaster General, Figgy, wrote a review about Schick Quattro Disposable Women's Razors in which she gave the product a big fat 0 out of 8 tentacles.   I was a little perplexed upon reading this review, as I've been using the razors for several years now and have yet to be dissatisfied.  Seriously.  Several YEARS.

Me while reading her review.

Someone Must Pay! Schick Quattro Disposable Women's Razors

Figgy

I think I've mentioned before that I am possibly the hairiest person you will ever meet in your life. God, that sounds attractive. But I am, and at 28 I've finally come to accept it. I've accepted that surviving the summer will mean shaving at least every other day, as that's how long it takes for my legs to start looking like a half-assed porcupine. I am honestly not exaggerating in the least. I'd take pictures for proof, but no one needs to see that.

Anyway. Because I'm also a cheap idiot, I tend to buy disposable razors, and I've been using the same brand for years. But this time my local Kroger didn't have them for some godforsaken reason, and I was desperate, After way too long a search (how do you even choose from so many products?!) I picked up these Schick Quattros, as they were cheaper and didn't look like murder weapons. And, unlike many others, the blades weren't surrounded by that ring of white crap that so many razors have nowadays. You know the rings I mean? They're awful.

Introducing: The Lazy Weekend Poll!

Figgy

Hi, all you delightful Hot Inkers! Today we'll be starting what we hope will be our new Weekend feature--The Lazy Weekend Poll. It's a chance for us to hear from you and for you to have something fun to do on a lazy weekend. It's easy: We ask the question, you respond, we all get to either agree with you or make fun of your choice. That is how we roll. So for our first Lazy Weekend Poll: What is your favorite perfume? Could be the one you're currently wearing (or will when you go out) or the one you're wishing someone would be mne? DKNY's Be Delicious Fresh Blossom. Clunky name, but I can't stop smelling myself when I put it on. What's yours?

The 10 Commandments for Not Being a Dick While Shopping

Figgy

I've been working retail for about a year and a half now. While I've found (much to my relief) that most people will be pretty decent while shopping, every now and then we'll get a complete monster come in to the store that will ruin everyone's mood and make me lose faith in humanity. So, do you want to be someone the staff will help gladly and will go out of their way to get you something you need? Or do you want to be the dick whom no one wants to help and will be remembered as a stain upon the world? If you want to be the first (or really, if you just want to have a painless shopping experience) here are the Ten Commandments for Not Being a Dick While Shopping. I'm speaking from the point of view of someone working in an apparel store, but really, I think they apply to any shopping establishment out there.

Scrub-a-dub-dub: The Body Shop's Coconut Body Scrub

Figgy

As you might know by now, I'm a pretty big fan of The Body Shop's line of bath products. I'd been eying their line of body scrubs for a while, but had been reluctant to buy one seeing as I'm, well, a freakish cheapskate. Fortunately I found a gift box on sale at Sephora, which included the Coconut Bath Gel, the scrub, body butter AND lip balm for something like $15. All of them full-sized. KA-CHING!

Wasn't that an exciting story?

So, the Scrub. It contains natural ingredients like actual coconut and babassu oils (I'm not sure what that last one is, but it sounds kickass), and the little scrubby bits (not the technical name, nyatch) are made of coconut peel. Nice!

U by Kotex: A Review And A Rant. A Rantview.

Figgy

Remember when the ads for Kotex's 'new look' came out, and we all loved the way they made fun of other pad commercials and oh, how clever of them? And then it all meant not much at all because all Kotex did was make a really ridiculous redesign of all their packages that's all meant to scream "HAVING YOUR PERIOD IS FUN!"? I remember that.

I don't know about you guys, but there's nothing fun about periods. They're a pain in the ass, and I'm pretty sure that what we're all looking for when we have them is just something that's practical and actually useful. Something that you can ignore as best as you can and that won't mess up your underwear. Why the hell would you buy period supplies based on how RAD the design is? Silly, silly Kotex. I bet a man came up with that.

Slap The Slap Off Your Face: Clinique Rinse-Off Makeup Remover

Figgy

I tell you, this Clinique Gift-With-Purchase is the...gift that keeps on giving. God, that was lame. But yes! I have a brand new Clinique product to review from that same little bag--the Make-up Remover.

I made a point of trying this after a short day at work, so that I could be sure that the makeup hadn't completely worn away and that everything I had applied in the morning would still be there. This included primers, mineral foundation, concealer, blush and full eye makeup (shadows, liner and mascara--none of it waterproof).

Avon Solutions Total Radiance Eye Gel: You're My Only Hope!

Figgy

Recently I've had to change my work schedule to start the day off earlier, which means getting up at 6am every day. That's not so bad if you're smart and go to bed at a decent hour. But because I'm not, I don't, and end up going to bed at midnight or later.

So I always end up looking and acting like a hideous monster in the mornings. A shower helps wake me up, but sometimes I need a little extra help to look decent. Specifically so that I don't look like a sleep deprived swamp creature whose eyes have been stung by bees. That...made more sense in my head. Point is: Puffy eyes, not attractive.

Need help.

I Love You, But Your Name Is Silly: Clinique's Chubby Stick Tinted Lip Balm

Figgy

Last week I told you guys about my sad, sticky experience with the Clinique lip-gloss I got with my last Gift-With-Purchase. Now I'll get into the next item in my cute little makeup bag: the hilariously named Chubby Stick, a "Moisturizing lip colour balm".

BIG, wonderful difference.

The Chubby Stick (hee) looks very much like a fat crayon, and dammit if it doesn't just look adorable.

I Find You No Longer A-peeling: Sally Hansen's "Hard as Nails" Hardener

Figgy

Y'all might remember my angry reaction to trying out one of Rimmel's nail polishes a little while ago. What I couldn't write into my review but added in the comments was the complete disaster that stuff worked on my nails. After applying the polish twice my nails became incredibly brittle and started peeling, which is probably worse than just having them break right off. I'm placing the blame entirely on that polish, as I've worn hundreds of others before without my nails pitching such a fit about it.

Anyway, I needed to find a cure and quick, because the nails were peeling down to the quick and it was starting to hurt like hell. I dug out my Sally Hansen Hard as Nails hardener and applied a couple of coats, then waited for this go-to cure to work its magic.

Glamour Magazine: Figgy Takes One For The Team

Figgy

Figgy reads the March 2012 Glamour so you don't have to!

Marc by Marc Jacobs has the ugliest ads I've ever seen, with cracked-out, grasshopper-like models with half their hair shaved off and looking like they smell of pickles and dirty feet. Gross.

Amanda Seyfried (on the cover this month) is very pretty. I wish she'd make better movies.

To get the look she's wearing on the cover would mean draping myself in all my No-No-Nos: floral-print tank top (florals make me look like a couch), skinny jeans (nope, I actually have hips), giant platform shoes (face, meet floor!) and colorful earrings. It's actually pretty cute if you can work the look.

My favorite thing might be a Word Cloud on how their viewers see the Kardashians, and the biggest words there seems to be "Talentless" and "Fame Whores". Because, seriously, fuck those bitches.

A House of Lies: Rimmel's Lasting Finish Pro Polish

Figgy

So after many years of trying out all brands and prices, I've come to the conclusion that, by and large, the nail polish industry is full of shit. They all tell you their polishes will last forever, that they won't chip, that they NOW contain 50% pure adamantium duo-cortex DNA complex and so will NEVER fade!

You think I exaggerate? Rimmel's Lasting Finish Pro Polish claims to be "Super durable chip resistant nail lacquer with Shine Release Complex" that will last "Up to 10 Days". Sounds impressive, is actually complete bullshit in reality. It lasted maybe 12 hours before the tops started chipping, and by the next day huge flakes were coming off the sides. Not only that, I also had to apply three coats of polish before the color looked decent and my nails were fully covered. So all the above claims were pretty much all lies.

Get all Zen N' Stuff: Bath and Body Work's "Stress Relief" Body Wash

Figgy

I've been going through some stressful crap lately. Work, life, everything. It got a little bit overwhelming, and I knew that today I needed to relax if I wanted to keep from murdering someone. So I grabbed my new Glamour (Amanda Seyfried! So pretty!), some twinkly music, my bottle of Bath and Body Works Aromatherapy "Stress Relief" bath gel to spend some quality time with my bath tub.

Now I'm all one with the world and shit, man, because this stuff is SO good.

The "Stress Relief" group of BBW's Aromatherapy line is maybe one of the best things I have ever smelled in my life. It's made with essential oils of Eucalyptus and Spearmint, an incredibly refreshing combination. Just one sniff is enough to make me feel happy, and adding it to a warm bath makes the whole experience ridiculously relaxing.