Thursday, June 21, 2012

Someone Must Pay! Schick Quattro Disposable Women's Razors


I think I've mentioned before that I am possibly the hairiest person you will ever meet in your life. God, that sounds attractive. But I am, and at 28 I've finally come to accept it. I've accepted that surviving the summer will mean shaving at least every other day, as that's how long it takes for my legs to start looking like a half-assed porcupine. I am honestly not exaggerating in the least. I'd take pictures for proof, but no one needs to see that.

Anyway. Because I'm also a cheap idiot, I tend to buy disposable razors, and I've been using the same brand for years. But this time my local Kroger didn't have them for some godforsaken reason, and I was desperate, After way too long a search (how do you even choose from so many products?!) I picked up these Schick Quattros, as they were cheaper and didn't look like murder weapons. And, unlike many others, the blades weren't surrounded by that ring of white crap that so many razors have nowadays. You know the rings I mean? They're awful.

It wasn't until I got home and opened the package that I noticed that these razors boasted 'SCENTED HANDLES'. I made a disgusted face at them and thought that whoever came up with that shit needed to be punched in the face. Scented Handles, y'all. Jeebus. And then I shaved. Guess what happened? BLOOD FREAKIN' EVERYWHERE. OK, not really. But I must've cut myself in about 5 or six different places with this shitty razor. You know how you never really feel the burn until you go to rinse it all off and then you feel as if your legs were on fire? Yeah, that's what happened.

The worst part was that once I got out of the shower I could still feel stubble on my legs, proving that the 'sixteen thousand blades' on the Quattro aren't worth jack shit. I might as well have gone at my leg hair with kitchen shears. And the smell on the handles? An awful combination of funeral flowers and strawberry bubblegum. WHY WOULD YOU SCENT THE HAND-- Argh. Breathe. Breaaaathe. As you can tell, the Schick Quattro sucks, and I hated it. I'm giving it a whopping 0 out of 8 tentacles. It was somehow dull and dangerous at the same time, and the scented handles just made me angry. Don't buy it. Don't let your friends buy it. And please, if you found out whoever approved the 'scented handles' idea, tell me, so I can at least go and key their car. Someone must be punished for this!

Rating: 0/8 tentacles

More razor reviews for your Summer shaving: up & up Electric Razor, Bic Soleil Disposable Razor, up & up Women's Disposable Razors, Gillette Venus Bikini Trimmer.

1 comment:

  1. I bought these because they were on sale (BOGO) at Walgreens. I normally use Venus disposables, which I love. These were AWFUL. I agree with everything you said here. They couldn't even get under my arms clean shaven. Even worse are the Noxema (or maybe Palmolive?) disposables.