The Worst Men's Costumes for 2012

MelBivDevoe

Last year, I brought you the Top Ten Dumbest "Sexy" Costumes for women.  With Halloween rapidly approaching, I thought I'd take a look this year at the worst costumes for men.  

When it comes to men's costumes, it's clear that no one expects guys to be cute or sexy on Halloween night.  No, men either get to be heroes, villains, or clowns.  For every Batman or Loki you'll see, there will be a Green Man running around, making everyone laugh with his crazy antics. 

However, while browsing the so-called "funny costumes," it soon became apparent that costume manufacturers have a fairly lame sense of humor.  Here, then, are some of the worst costumes I found.  

Skinny Water: Do I Look Like a F*cking Hummingbird?

  MelBivDevoe

I'm no fool.  I know there's no miracle drink product out there that's going to help me shed the pounds I've unfortunately been packing on lately.  I know the best thing is for me to drink water and avoid empty calories from sugary sodas and juices, but sometimes I get bored with water.

I came across Skinny Water at the grocery store the other day, and the label on one of the bottles boasted "0 Calories, 0 Sugar, 0 Sodium, 0 Guilt."  Intrigued, I grabbed a few flavors to test out.  I figured at worst, they'd just taste like flavored water.

Naturally, I underestimated just how bad they'd be.

The Heat is ON: Thermacare Heat Wraps

Lainey

I am old.  I try to ignore it most of the time, but I have arthritis in my back and really, that makes it pretty hard to ignore the old.  Also, not at all related to being old, but it is the one thing I'm looking forward to getting rid of as I get older - I get wicked cramps and low back pain every month, like horrendously painful.  Anyway, now that I've actually written an article wherein I sound like my grandmother, let me get to the actual point for you.

The Best Advice on the Internets!

Lainey

Do you want to make more money so you can buy more stuff?  Stuff we review here, for example?  Or just, you know, pay your electricity bill?  Then I *highly* recommend you check out the site Ask a Manager!

Allison Green writes this amazing FREE blog with helpful tips for interviewing, resume writing, salary negotiation, and tons and tons of  information  for getting a job and succeeding in it - from a hiring manager's perspective.  She gives you straight talk and actual useful, timely, and effective advice for navigating the stressful and frustrating challenges of job hunting.

Hot Ink Deals of The Day

Pinky McLadybits

Clinique is offering a free dual-ended Different Lipstick/Long Lsat Glosswear SPF 15 mini when you purchase any two items from the Sugarfrosted Holiday Eyes Collection. 

The Disney Store has lots of deals, including free personalization of gifts and free shipping with code FREENAME and free shipping on orders of $75 and more.

Snapfish is offering 300 4x6 prints for $3 through November 6th with code SPOOKY300 or 100 4x6 prints for $1 with code SPOOKY100. 

Let's Get Physical: Daily Ab Workout FREE App

Author: Rusty

Lets be honest (or not), I’m a terribly busy woman (false). My days are just filled with all sorts of important obligations (also false) and so there are times I just can’t find time in my busy schedule (mostly checking facebook between brief bursts of writing) to get to the gym. So while scrolling through apps in the Android App Market one day I found a five minute ab workout app for free and thought I’d give it a shot. And honestly, who doesn’t have five minutes when they can find a soft bit of floor?

Halloween Food: BRAAAAAAINS Cupcakes And More!

Author: Pinky McLadybits

Meat Head

I love Halloween. Maybe you've been able to deduce that from the site? Anyway, I'm having a kid-friendly party here on Saturday and this has led to searching for food to make. I always make as much food by hand as I can and I always make too damn much food. And I love it.

I thought I'd share some of my favorite foods from my research. I won't be making any of this at my party, but you might want to keep it in mind for this year or the next.

Prepare to be wowed, possibly grossed-out, and maybe even inspired.

Why So Serious? (Dry Those Eyes)

Author: Metric Jenn

I've been crying a lot lately. I will not disclose the reasons, but instead offer you this picture as an insight into my tortured soul:

Do you see the pain and angst?

Things I Learned From the November 2011 Issue of InStyle

Author: Pinky McLadybits

Guess what I got in the mail today? The November issue of InStyle magazine. After writing about the magazine last month, I wasn't surprised to see it this month. Sweet.

Let me begin with a confession of my adoration for Gwen Stefani. I love her in No Doubt. I liked some of her solo stuff. I've grabbed her husband's ass (True story. It was tight!) and I find him very sexy. Her kids are adorable and I want her to be my best friend, help me dress, teach me how to wear makeup, and give me the secret to working heels at a playground. Gwen? Call me! I promise I'll leave Gavin's ass alone!

Most likely.

Trader Joe's Tuesdays: Mac & Cheese Adventure!

Author: Lainey

I’m not big on trying new things.  Ummm, here’s my confession – I lived 40 years without ever having eaten macaroni and cheese.  YES, that’s what I said!  My dad didn’t like it and wouldn’t allow it in the house when I was growing up (side note, he also vetoed tuna noodle casserole, but my babysitter really liked it and she brought it to me to try and once I tried it, my whining became louder than Denny Bobainey’s insistence on a tuna-noodle-free house).  When I was in college & in my first place, I REBELLED and bought that instant blue box stuff.  I was SO excited to make it and be a grown up!  I cooked it and added the powdered “cheese”, and the fluorescent orange color combined with the noxious odor grossed me out so much I dumped it down the garbage disposal and never ate a single bite.  I lived mac and cheese-less for the next 20 years.

Halloween How-To: Homemade Fake Blood (NSFW)

We asked our friend DAVIS aka Pagliacci to give us a tutorial on how to make the fake blood he uses for his photo shoots and zombie walks. Lucky for us (and for you), he obliged! The following video had me cackling with laughter while also teaching me how to make tasty fake blood for Halloween. Enjoy! (NSFW due to language.)

Terrible, No Good, Not Funny Costumes for Two. Ugh.

Author: Pinky McLadybits

This is fine. I encourage it.

Almost as terrible as the "sexy" costumes foisted onto us are the costumes designated for couples. More likely than not, they involve some play on word that ultimately mean the same thing: "we have the sex together, I have a penis and I stick it in her". It's not clever. 

So, to offset the list of the best costumes for couples, I present the worst, least funny, not clever, no-good, come-on-you-can-do-better costumes for couples. (The costumed pair on the left? DO THAT instead of these!)

You Guys! You Made Me Ink: Temptu Temporary Tattoos

Author: Rusty

It’s difficult to sell temporary tattoos to adults; most of us remember the little cartoon characters with a plastic sheet over them we got at birthday parties or around Halloween, that you applied with water and enjoyed for approximately two hours until they began to flake off your arm and left you looking like you had leprosy. Some of us may even remember the mid-90s urban legend of someone distributing temporary tattoos laced with LSD. Temptu temporary tattoos are one of a new breed of temporary tattoos designed for adults that have almost nothing in common with those old cartoony images of yore, and involve alcohol rather that psychotropic drugs.

It's Just A Movie, It's Not Real...Right?

Author: Hot Ink Contributors

Everyone has that one movie that scares the ever-loving pee right out of them. And if you say that you don't have a movie like that, you're either a liar or a liar. Anyway, in honor of the Halloweeniest month of the year, we give you the movies that have made us unable to trust that everyone isn't an alien, afraid to be home, certain that our childhood heroes were delusional, and given us other totally rational fears.

The Shocking Inner Life of Lingerie Models

Author: Park

Ever wanted to know what's behind the sex eyes? Hot Ink provides a rare look "behind blue smize".

Now how did that Ani DiFranco song go? 

This is going to drive me crazy!

Jones Zilch Vanilla Bean Soda: No Calories,

Author: Pinky McLadybits

I went into my local Old Navy today because I was at the mall and they were having a sale. Old Navy clothes are one of my weaknesses. How I made it out of there with nothing for myself but this soda and just one thing for my daughter, I'll never understand. Am I growing up? Ew.

Anyway, Old Navy is all rearranged and sparkly new from the way it was when I last was in this store. They had drinks, snacks, activity books for kids, and other impulse buy items strewn about the roped-off checkout line. Bastards. That's where I grabbed my Jones Zilch Vanilla Bean Soda, because I was thirsty and it was zero calories.

Best Halloween Costumes for Two! (And I Don't Mean Pregnant Ladies)

Author: Pinky McLadybits

Um, no.

Sometimes, when you go to Halloween parties, you or your spouse/partner/BFF4EVA get the great idea to dress in costumes that complement each other. When this happens you can either choose something stupid like this idiotic monstrosity on the left, or you can get creative and become a-MAH-zing! (I probably love Happy Endings more than I should, especially Penny).

I thought I should round up these couples costumes, but don't despair! They won't all be for a hetero-couple, either. Some will be for two ladies or two gentlemen. Because I'm an equal-opportunity matchmaker, you see. 

5 Great Videos about Makeup (that AREN'T tutorials)

Author: Boo

Ah, the power of makeup. It is the most practical application of art in our society, and for good reason. We <3 it! For women, it signifies a coming of age (albeit this is happening at younger and younger ages; I mean, really, 4-year-olds hardly need to enhance their natural youthfulness), and it provides an (often daily) creative outlet. (I mean, have you SEEN some of the amazing video tutorials by my fellow Hot Ink contributors? Fabulous.) For men, it can be the exercise of freedom from the set gender roles in our society! How empowering! It is the epitome of personal expression, right after clothes. I mean, what can be more personal than your face? (Let us not speak of vagazzeling, forsooth.)

But for me, makeup takes real precedence during my favorite time of year: Halloween. This is when boys can be girls, girls can be ghouls, and ghouls can be...Lindsay Lohan. (*shudder*)

Trader Joe's Tuesday: Candyman, Candyman, Candyman!

Author: Lainey

Do you like salty and sweet?  Do you like crunchy?  Do you enjoy some dark chocolate?  Ok, then get in your car (or on your bike, if you’re one of them healthy folks) and getchoo to Trader Joe’s.  Buy a container (Or, you know what?  Buy two.  You’re already there.) of the Sea Salt and Turbinado Sugar Dark Chocolate Covered Almonds.   Seriously, buy two.  You’re going to be pissed when you have to make a second trip.  They’re addicting.  Not addicting in the “Ummm, I just ate the whole container” way.  More like “I need a couple of these today”.  (Not a couple containers… just you know, a couple of almonds.)  They’re quite rich.  And salty.  Like big chunks of sea salt and big chunks of turbinado sugar.  And lots of rich dark chocolate.  THEY’RE SO GOOD! 

Ok.  I’m done.  Just go get some.  You can send your thank you card to me here.

PS:  While you’re there, pick up some Dark Caramel Wedges.  They’re in the little tins by the checkout lane.  They’re circular tins of caramel-filled dark chocolate wedges and they’re damn tasty!  Two wedges is a serving and it’s like 60 calories and they’re perfect for when you just need that little UUUMPH of chocolate.  You know how that goes.  Crisp, smooth dark chocolate and that little gooey UUUMPH of caramel.  Yeah, you know.

Ok, no for real.  I’m done.  Go on.  Get out of here.  You could be halfway to Trader Joe’s by now.  HURRY UP!

Top Ten Awesome Costumes For Ladies

Author: Pinky McLadybits

We've already looked at the Top Ten Dumbest "Sexy" Costumes for this year. I thought it might be appropriate to look at the Top Ten Awesome Costumes for Ladies. After all, not all of us want to be whorish versions of male movie icons. Especially those that were a pedophile. (Someone pointed that out to me on Facebook, and come on! Was no one thinking about who the character really was? Gawl.) Some of us want to be comfortable, or sexy but in a non-idiotic way, or both. These are for us!