Monday, October 3, 2011

Top Ten Dumbest "Sexy" Costumes for 2011

Author: MelBivDevoe

October is upon us, which means that Halloween is just around the corner. Halloween, as Cady from Mean Girls affirms, is "the one night a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it." Here at Hot Ink, we fully support letting your freak flag fly and embrace the idea of using a costume to become someone (or something) different for a night. However, after browsing several Halloween websites, I quickly realized that the costume companies have taken the whole concept of "sexy" to a new, completely ridiculous level. They've gone way beyond the Sexy Cat and Sexy Devil costumes of yore. Some of these aren't so much sexy as slutty, and some are just a lame attempt to cash in on the craze. The one thing they all have in common is that they are dumb, dumb, dumb. In no particular order, here are my Top Ten Dumbest "Sexy" Costumes for this year.

10. Risky Raccoon

Because what's sexier than rabies?

I think they've taken the "sexy animal" concept as far as they probably could.

9.  Sexy Shark

Oops!  Spoke too soon.  NOW it's gone as far as it could - or should.

Plus, it's not really "sexy shark" so much as it is "Sexy lady who is being eaten by a shark."

8.  Sexy Pool Table

If you wear this, you will hear nothing but horrible puns all night involving pool cues and men trying to sink their balls into your corner pocket.  All.  Night.

7.  Sexy Marvin the Martian

Aaah!  My childhood!

Her boobs just look very angry. Very angry indeed.

6.  Sexy Banana

This is the laziest sexy costume I think I've seen.  It's just a yellow minidress!  And not very a-peeling, if you ask me.


5.  Sushi's On Me

Oh dear lord.  Is this really a good idea?  Do you really want people pretending to eat food off of you like you know they will?  Not only that, but do you want to give someone the perfect opportunity to make a "Something smells fishy" joke while pointing to your nether regions?

I'm starting to wonder who comes up with these costumes.

4.  Sexy Chucky

Oh.  Now I get it.  They're obviously the product of some rather disturbed minds.  I mean, who ever looked at that homicidal doll and thought, "Man, I'd totally fuck that, if only it were a normal-sized woman"?

 3.  Sexy Silence of the Lambs

...probably the same person who found "Silence of the Lambs" sexy.

In addition to being troubling, this one's also pretty lame.  They basically just threw some buckles on a white minidress to evoke the concept of a strait jacket, then stamped the "Silence of the Lambs" logo on it.

2.  Sexy Hulk Hogan

It's the mustache that makes this one so confusing.

*insert your own Brooke Hogan joke here*

1.  Sexy Elmo


She's wearing his face.  As a hat.  I just... I can't.

Perhaps we needn't sexualize everything.  There should be some sacred cows.  Like cows, for example.  We don't need sexy cows. Or sexy creatures from children's television shows.

Well, whatever you end up wearing this year, just remember: embrace the illusion and enjoy.  And, maybe don't wear fake food on your crotch.  That seems like a good idea in general.



    I'm not even joking. That shit's HILARIOUS.

  2. Chucky and Marvin the Martian are hot.

    I'm just saying.

  3. The Hulk Hogan one is just mind-blowingly hilarious and awesome. I'm ordering it. And wearing it to work.

  4. New Elmo line: Jiggle Me Elmo.

    It will be the tits.