Ladyscaping. It's something us female types do, but rarely talk about, even with our closest girlfriends. And it's certainly not something our mothers discuss with us over tea and Stella D'Oro Breakfast Treats - "Sometimes, when a man and a woman love each other very much, and they're married (that part is always emphasized), they express that love in a special, beautiful way...but only if the woman's special area is waxed and glossy." Well, not my mom, anyway.
If you're like me, you learned about proper "down there" maintenance the old-fashioned way - trial and error, and by watching the occasional porno (NO, of course not!). Many of us have used scissors and beard trimmers to tame unruly girly hairs, and there isn't a grown woman in my life who hasn't snipped a lip a time or two when trying to get that one...elusive...hair..HO MY GOD IS THAT BLOOD???!!! No, seriously, it happens and it's painful and no, we don't share this little tidbit with the men in our lives - not because we don't want to spoil the illusion of the perfect peachblossom, but because they couldn't handle it. The pussies.
Waxing's an option, I suppose...er, no, I can't do it. I tried it once and it ended so badly I couldn't even glance in the general direction of my hoobie for weeks. I was scarred (only mentally, of course..thank Godtopussy) by the experience. It may have had something to do with my Sicilian/Lebanese heritage...aaaand that's all I'm going to say about that.
Besides scissors and your man's beard trimmer, there really aren't many other options out there for us self-maintenance types. I've shied away from battery-operated trimmer/shaver combos, because, well, I'm too nervous I'd find that I wasted my money once one of them snagged on my vulva and sent me to the emergency room for coochie stitches. Razors are great for the areas that require a close shave, but for most of us over the age of 25, and who aren't dangling off a pole every night, there's no need for The Works. I'm not 12, and I don't need Miss China to look 12, either. Puberty happens, y'all. We need to stop denying our Special Valleys their fall foliage.
Enter the Gillette Venus Bikini Trimmer , a dandy little product that takes the fear out of trimming the lady verge. Available on its own or as part of a set (complete with razor and bikini moisturizing lotion), the Venus Bikini Trimmer might just be the best thing that's ever happened to my hidden lady treasure (yeah, that's a lie). I found it with the razors at my local Target, and I would never have recognized it as something slightly different from an actual razor if my eyes had not landed directly on it, and how lucky I was that they did, because this bikini trimmer is a miracle.
I was a little apprehensive the very first time I tried it, because it has been a while since my last attempt at trimming (with the aforementioned beard trimmer), and the situation was, shall we say, looking rather Disco-era. Yeah. This baby had its work cut out for it, and man, did it work. I used shave cream, out of habit, and went to town. The Gillette Venus Bikini Trimmer is designed to be used in exactly the same way as we'd all use a razor, and the little plastic skin guard that covers its razor ensures that the only things being cut are the hairs in its path. It leaves about 1/8 " of each hair, which is the perfect length for your razor to tackle after you're finished with the trimming. You can use the trimmer everywhere you're got hair - the pivoting head allows you safe maneuvering through the tightest spots, reaching into every nook and cranny. And I cannot stress enough that this product is safe to use, even around the most delicate petals of your flower. I actually tried to cut myself with it, and I could not. The ease with which I was able to complete a job I normally dread, and which usually takes several steps and ends with me sweating and often in pain, was nothing short of astounding. And the results? Oh so pleasing.
I have but one small complaint for the makers of the Gillette Venus Bikini Trimmer, and that's mainly to do with the single blade contained within. It dulls quickly. Two to three very worthwhile uses, and it's time to shell out for a new one. And the razors can't be removed and replaced, which I find ever so slightly annoying. Hear that, folks at Gillette? I'm slightly annoyed - get to work on a bikini trimmer with a refillable razor...or else.
So, because of the blade issue, which is my ONLY issue with this product, I am giving the Gillette Venus Bikini Trimmer 7 out of 8 Tentacles. This is a fantastic product, and one I believe belongs in every woman's shower (and man's, too - really, your you-know-whats could use a little loving...FYI, the kind love you're thinking about is not the kind of love I meant, ahem). It's easy to use, speeds up shower time, and is safe safe safe. Look for it next time you're trading your firstborn for razor refills. Your labia will thank you.
Rating: 7/8 tentacles
Rating: 7/8 tentacles