Essie Nail Polish In Lady Like: Who? Me??!? HAAA!

Pinky McLadybits

As I told you before, I chose to receive the goop 'curated' box from Birchbox this month. I won't rehash my disappointment with the absence of fantastic and haughty items, but I will tell you that my selection was better than what others received. Part of the jealousy of my fellow Bitchbox group members stemmed from this product: Essie Nail Polish in Lady Like.

I have to admit, I was extremely happy to see the polish in my Birchbox since I have been forbidden from purchasing any nail polish on my own. Something about my spending too much money, bills need to be paid, fourteen bottles of nail polish is more than enough (no it isn't), blah blah blah. The Essie hidden in my goop goodies was a nice way to get around the polish ban. I may have held the bottle aloft, singing as if I were presenting some sort of Phoenix egg to a crowd of muggles or something.

Luna Lemon Zest Bar: goop Has Chosen Me

Pinky McLadybits

This month, subscribers to Birchbox were asked if they would prefer their goodies to be "curated" by goop (Gwyneth Paltrow. Paltry, as I call her when we lunch.). I, of course, chose the goop box, visions of face cream made from unicorn placentas, Coldplay tickets, and my very own yoga instructor dancing in my deranged head. 

Guess what I didn't get in the goop box? 

However, Paltry did give me, and everyone else if my friends are any indication, Luna Lemon Zest bars. I have never had a Luna bar, nor have I had any inclination to eat a Luna bar. This one was freeish and specially chosen for me...and all of my friends. I expected that eating this bar will turn me quite blonde and quite pretentious.

Birchbox Treats: Ojon Damage Reverse (TM) Restorative Conditioner

Nora

This creamy, light conditioner, Ojon Damage Reverse Restorative Conditioner, was in my very first Birchbox order, but, like the fool I am, I didn't use it until a month or so after I received it. I was a little put off by the "damage reverse" part of the name. See, I'm an odd combination of proud and lazy. I use very little product, if ever, and I really only blow dry my hair once a month. So my initial reaction to Ojon was "How DARE you insinuate I need your damage reverse technology!", followed by a glove slap across the neck of the bottle. After some time, though, I was able to admit that I've been growing my hair out for the better part of a year, and my ends are gross and prone to dryness. Instead of getting a haircut, I opted to try out this nifty little conditioner.

Birchbox Treats: Japonesque Beauty Fixation Makep Remover

Pinky McLadybits

My Birchbox had a little card with two q-tips attached to it. "Have they lost their minds", I thought. Nope. The little cotton-tipped danger sticks were actually Japonesque Beauty Fixation Makeup Remover.

That's much better than a product people use in their ears while being specifically told not to put that product anywhere near the inside of their ears. It's also handier than my usual method of barely wetting the end of a q-tip and using it to scrape away morning mascara smears.

Birchbox Treats: DDF Brightening Cleanser

Pinky McLadybits

I have combination skin. That means that it can be oily while flaky, dry while having breakouts. It sucks. I blame using Sea Breeze in the late 80s and early 90s. Anyway, I have made Birchbox aware of this combination skin of mine, prompting them to send me this DDF Brightening Cleanser in my August box.

Let's point out the good parts about this product first, shall we? (Yes, I have a tiny Deadpool voice in my head, hence the we.) DDF Brightening Cleanser has a light, barely there scent that might be reminiscent of lemons or citrus, but it disappears too quickly for me to be sure. It also takes just a small, pea-sized amount of the possibly-citrus cleanser to lather up and wash my entire face. It also rinses off easily.

Birchbox Treats: Schick Hydro Silk Razor

Pinky McLadybits

Birchbox really knows the way to this girl's heart. Just hours after I stood in the shaving aisle of Target and decided I didn't want to pay more for razor refills than all the other items in my cart, my Birchbox arrived. Inside was Schick Hydro Silk razor, along with coupons for refills if I liked the product.

That, my dear readers, is a SCORE.

Schick is already my go-to brand when it comes to keeping my legs smooth(ish) and mostly free of stupid hairs. I usually employ the services of Schick Quattro for that purpose. Lately it hasn't been removing hair well at all. New blades haven't made a difference at all and I was pissed. Perhaps Schick Hydro Silk could be my new razor buddy?

Birchbox Treats: Harvey Prince Hello Perfume

Pinky McLadybits

This was another Birchbox goodie! I've yet to pull the trigger on purchasing another scent for myself, so I was happy to see another perfume sample arrive in the mail. I'm not familiar with Harvey Prince perfumes, but I don't care much about who makes it as long as it smells good.

Harvey Prince Hello Perfume has Meyer Lemon, White Grapefruit, Satsuma Mandarin, Summer Forsythia, Pink Plumeria, Wild Verbena, Tahitian Vanilla, Sensual Musk. I love me some sensual musk. Yup.

I'm not much of a fruit scent girl, but I was willing to take a chance. Especially since I wasn't technically out any money if I hated it. Luckily, I really like this perfume. Surprisingly, my husband does too! That rarely happens.

Birchbox Treats: Jouer Luminizing Moisture Tint

Pinky McLadybits

Birchbox always give me something that I can easily use on a daily basis. Jouer Luminizing Moisture Tint is definitely one of those things. Much like the Kiehl's Abyssine Cream, the Jouer came in a tiny little container. It looked like enough moisturizing tint for me to put on my nose and nothing else. Also like the Kiehl's, the Jouer only took a little bit of product to cover my entire face and the tiny sample lasted much longer than I anticipated.

Birchbox Treats: Eyeko London Skinny Liquid Eyeliner

Pinky McLadybits

We all know that I suck at being a girl. I can't keep my nail polish on my nails. I can only walk in certain types of high heels. I like playing with makeup, but I'm no expert. So I've always been afraid of liquid eyeliners and what sort of mayhem they would create with my unsteady hand and inability to draw straight lines. Especially one in a bold color like purple.

Imagine my fear and excitement when my July Birchbox arrived with Eyeko London Skinny Liquid Eyeliner in Purple! I was happy that I hadn't shelled out the cash for something I might hate (well, I paid the $10 monthly Birchbox fee, but the eyeliner retails for $15, so I called it a steal!). I was afraid that I would be passing along another high end product to someone better able to use it.

Birchbox Treats: Kiehl's Abyssine Cream+

Pinky McLadybits

This tiny little jar of amazing was the favorite item from my very first Birchbox. Kiehl's Abyssine Cream+ was so tiny that I thought I would only get one use out of the cream that promised to protect my skin and diminish fine lines and wrinkles.

My second Birchbox has arrived and the third will no doubt be here as soon as July10th, but I still have my little jar of Kiehl's Abyssine Cream+ sitting in my medicine cabinet.

If you are like me, you probably wonder just what the hell Abyssine is. Straight from the Kiehl's website: Cool Kiehl’s Fact: The Abyssine 657 “survival molecule” is a polysaccharide found in the depths of the ocean. The ingredient is derived from microorganisms discovered near the Galapagos hydrothermal vents in the Pacific Ocean at a depth of 3,000 meters where the algae is able to adapt itself to the harshest conditions.

Birchbox Treats: Miracle Skin Transformer Body SPF20

Pinky McLadybits

As I mentioned previously, I have subscribed to Birchbox. This means that, for $10 a month, I get a themed box filled with samples and full-size products based on my profile information. The May Birchbox was Gossip Girl themed and included a sample of Miracle Skin Transformer Body SPF20.

When you market something as a Miracle Skin Transformer, you really need to be sure your product can deliver on such promises. Miracle. Transformer. These are powerful words to throw around. Especially since it is made to go on your legs or decolletage and promises to even out the skin tone and leave a bit of shimmer in its wake.

Promises, promises. Eesh.

Birchbox Treats: Bvlgari Omnia Crystalline Perfume

Pinky McLadybits

Per Lainey's holding it over our heads that she was getting Birchbox goodies every month, I decided to subscribe. If you haven't heard of Birchbox then I am sorry for you. It is a service that, for $10 monthly, sends a box with some samples and some full-sized products. These items are based on their theme for the month and the information you give the company when you fill out your profile. 

This month's box was Gossip Girl themed and one of the samples included within was Bvlgari Omnia Crystalline Perfume. Fancy!