Wash That Harlot Grease Off Your Face!

Author: Pinky McLadybits

I was in Target. Again. I went in for a birthday gift and I left with some fake eyelashes to play with, some nail top coat, and these face scrubber cloths. Oh, I also left with the birthday gift. There were also many things that I didn't buy. Like that clearance television or those panties or those really cute pajama pants. It's like I was made of stone or something. Yay me!

I had been washing my face with some cucumber face cloths from Big Lots that cost just a dollar. I am super-fancy. I ran out and decided to move on up the store chains and purchase Target's house brand Up & Up Exfoliating Cucumber Cleansing Towelettes (I'm guessing you can only find them in-store).

I'm prone to my skin doing whatever it can to look bad. If I get the dry areas moisturized then you can be sure that my skin will pay me back with excessive oil. If I get the oil taken care of, here come the flaky patches! (Man, I am really selling myself here as uber-hot! Good thing I'm married.) Because of this, I shy away from using too much in the way of cleaning product on my face. I'll use a washcloth with warm water and some moisturizer, but I'm terrified that a cleanser might further splinter the personalities of my skin. (I'd like to thank Sea Breeze astringent for getting the shitty skin ball rolling back in the day...) So moist towelettes are right up my alley. They seem somehow less frightening than a big foamy mess of cleanser. 

I opened the towelettes and found that they were less moist than what I was used to with the Big Lots cloths. Each towelette also had raised bumps all over them. The exfoliating bumps! Ooooh! They were sort of rubbery but not really and weren't rough. This seemed like a good sign for my freakish skin. I've used exfoliating towelettes before that were about as gentle as sticking my face in a rock tumbler, but the Up & Up Exfoliating Cucumber Towelettes were delightful. They removed my foundation, mascara, and eye makeup with no problems and it only took one towelette. I was scared that my skin might feel tight after washing, but it really didn't.

While attempting to do a Halloween makeup tutorial for you fine readers, my webcam acted like a douchelord. I had to leave the house and get another one. Unfortunately, I was in full Poison Ivy makeup:

The Up & Up Exfoliating Cucumber Towelettes took off all of this green. It took more than one, but they did the job. As for skin texture and balance, so far so good! No extra flakes or oil! That'll do, wipes. That'll do.

Rating: 8/8 tentacles