Thursday, August 9, 2012

These Lips Were Made for Talkin': Lush Honey Trap Lip Balm

Metric Jenn

Lush...oh Lush...Why can I never quit you, even though you give me a scent-overload headache every single time I enter one of your stores?

So of course you all know the story: Girl meets boy....errr...I mean lip balm. Girl pays a lot of money for lip balm because it's all natural and makes lofty promises. Boy...I MEAN LIP BALM does something stupid and breaks girl's heart/lips/wallet. I think this analogy totally went off the rails, and I've been watching too many early Sandra Bullock romantic comedies. Yeah, While You Were Sleeping has permeated my brain.

Damn you, Sandra Bullock and your charming mid-90s appeal!
Let me backtrack to the beginning; I was in Lush (Oh, really? Who would've guessed what with the product being from there.), I was paying for a bunch of other stuff because I really do love trying their products; my goal is to try everything once. And of course, there were the lip balms just piled in a bowl by the cash register. Last minute grabby-impulse-buys? Yep. I'm one of those idiots who gets suckered in more often than not.

So I added another $6.95 to my bill for Honey Trap, and cracked it open right there at the register - eager to have supple, soft, kissable lips. I was positive that the natural ingredients of oat and almond oil, beeswax, and shea butter would be heaven for my lips.

Well, you guys, here's the thing - several things, actually: The beeswax is stiff-feeling on the lips, making the balm itself very heavy. It's not the kind that you stick your finger actually have to smash your lips into the container. The balm is hard and once it's feels STIFF. There's no other way to describe it. And the only stiff thing I want near my mouth is Alexander SkarsgÄrd's penis.
Honey Trap is also a nickname for my vagina.
The other ick-ness about Lush's Honey Trap is that the price doesn't make it worth while. Yeah, it may last a long time, but with natural ingredients and Lush informing us that their products have a due date, paying $6.95 is a bit on the ridiculous side.

Final say on this product? You guys know where I was going with this review. It gets a blech rating for all the reasons I mentioned earlier. Nobody wants to pay money to have their lips feel like they've been trapped in (pardon the Star Wars reference) carbonite. Sorry, Lush Honey Trap Lip Balm. You don't make the cut.

Rating: 4/8 tentacles

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