Thursday, July 19, 2012

Always Tampax Radiant: There Will Be Blood

Pinky McLadybits

WARNING: Ladies have monthly menstruation. That is life. If you are uncomfortable with the bodily functions of women then you probably don't want to read this review. Puss.

Full disclosure: I was selected by Influenster to receive a Summer Voxbox filled with products to review. I will be reviewing them whether I find them awesome or terrible.

Let me start with this: “The Radiant Collection was designed with girls’ unique style and feminine care needs in mind,” said Gaby Tartaret, Tampax Marketing, “Combining a stylish new look with a full line-up of premium products women have grown to trust from Tampax and Always, the Radiant Collection stands out among competitive, feminine care brands.”

I am not a girl, I am a woman. But I am riding the cotton pony right now. This qualifies me to try out the "collection" sent to me by Voxbox. That collection includes: a tiny stylish purse! An Always Infinity Radiant winged pad! A few Always Incredibly Thin Radiant panty liners! A yellow stickered Tampax tampon! A green stickered Tampax tampon!

Once again, this branding of menstruation supplies is aimed at erasing the stigma of a wholly natural and normal occurrence by making it pink, purple, and camouflaged. In fact, the accompanying product insert (snicker) proclaims that the CleanSeal wrapper (stickers!) and the Cleangrip Applicator will combine to form VIRTUALLY INVISIBLE PERIOD! Except for the blood.

I decided to test the invisibility of period claims with the tampons. I grabbed the tampon with the green sticker (I had no idea whether this was a super or a regular because it wasn't labeled) and retreated to the bathroom. The green sticker peels up and the tampon is removed through the resulting opening. Then you replace the applicator in the opening and use the sticker to seal it back up. Then you throw it in the trash anyway because no one goes walking around with used tampon applicators in their CleanSeal wrappers except for art students.

The tampon applicators are a sturdier plastic than other tampons I've used. They are also purple and shimmer with sparkles. There also seems to be some sort of rune carving on it...oh, wait. It's just a pretty design for you to hold onto while you press the plunger end of the applicator. I thought they were runes that, upon insertion, would magically make my cramps disappear and stop the flow of blood from my nethers! They didn't. They're just tampons in a wasteful applicator. Tampons that were unable to keep from leaking during my light period, which is something my not-pink, applicator-free o.b. tampons have no trouble with, thank you very much.

All of the pink and purple in the world, and the great lengths Tampax has gone to in order to hide that women bleed once a month, mean absolutely jack when the tampons fail to keep blood from leaking onto your pants. It isn't so invisible now, is it?

As for the Always Infinity Radiant pads, they're pads. The pantyliners bunch up eventually and the winged pads work well for over nights or as extra insurance against the shoddy tampons you might be using. It's difficult to screw up pads, unless you coat them with a moisture-repelling liquid that causes your period to splash when it hits.

Once again, a company with the simple job of manufacturing tampons and pads to collect the blood discarded during our periods have channeled all of their time and energy into the wrong thing. Make the tampons work. Spend less time on how an applicator, that will be looked at for two seconds and then tossed into the trash, appears. Quit telling women that they have to hide their normal bodily functions once a month with pretty paper, glitter, and bright pink purses while men walk around farting and peeing in public. Yes, the little purse is adorable and conceals your Lady Items, but people will realize that you are bleeding since you only carry it to the bathroom one week out of the month. Give me a break and give me back my plain, absorbent, and reliable o.b. tampons. Thanks.

3/8 tentacles

Feeling like you need more? Please enjoy U by Kotex and Always Infinity Pads.


  1. For real. I do not want glittery purple tampons. I'm a grown ass woman, I just want something that works.

  2. Oh BLESS you! I despise plastic applicators*. They are an environmental affront.

    *I do understand that some women are not about to run around with organic sphagnum clumps in their diva cups and all that, and some women have discomfort with paper applicators.

    In which case, I challenge companies to make a reusable applicator that isn't too heezy to take into a public washroom environment. It can be done! Easy breezy no-heezy!!!

  3. Whatever I love ob to . They market this shit for teenagers who fall for the glitter and the color of a tampond or pad.