U by Kotex: A Review And A Rant. A Rantview.

Figgy

Remember when the ads for Kotex's 'new look' came out, and we all loved the way they made fun of other pad commercials and oh, how clever of them? And then it all meant not much at all because all Kotex did was make a really ridiculous redesign of all their packages that's all meant to scream "HAVING YOUR PERIOD IS FUN!"? I remember that.

I don't know about you guys, but there's nothing fun about periods. They're a pain in the ass, and I'm pretty sure that what we're all looking for when we have them is just something that's practical and actually useful. Something that you can ignore as best as you can and that won't mess up your underwear. Why the hell would you buy period supplies based on how RAD the design is? Silly, silly Kotex. I bet a man came up with that.


It isn't just Kotex's problem, really, and what we liked about the first U ads were that they made fun of the ridiculous ways in which these products are marketed. Why had no one ever thought to use humor when marketing pads and tampons? The happy dancing girls in white pants, the "Oh, having your period is GLORIOUS!", the blue dye. All basically giving you the same stupid message: Use our products and your period will be FUN! Well, it's NOT fun. It's painful, it's uncomfortable, it's stupid and the condescension in those ads just make us furious. And they basically told us that a pretty package would make all the difference in the world when you're bleeding and bloated and miserable. Using something that looked COOL in your underwear would make it all better. Something which, by the way, no one alive wants to see. I don't know what they were expecting, honestly. For girls to go to the store and screech "THIS BRAND IS SO COOL I AM SO SWITCHING OVER BECAUSE OF TEH COOL COLORS AND THE U WITH AN UMLAUT ON IT!"? When all you want when you go to the store is to find the brand you've been using for years, buy it, and run away before someone even dares to speak to you? The whole thing is pretty ridiculous, and nothing's changed. In fact, Kotex has found a pretty clever (and evil) way to hike up their prices while not making any actual changes to the product itself.

Here's my story. I've been using the Kotex pads for years and years. They're comfortable and work pretty well against leaks, which, as far as I'm concerned, are the only two things that matter when buying pads. Plus, they were cheaper. So imagine my annoyance when I couldn't find the brand anymore and had to settle for buying another Kotex product, the U by Kotex Clean Wear Pads (regular), for about $3 more, which, no, isn't a huge amount of money but it's still a pretty significant difference when you're trying to stay on a budget. Is the price REALLY hiked up just because of the new design? Some pretty swirls and the magic of having each pad come in a wrapper of a different color? It's bullshit. It's the exact same product I've been using, and now I have to pay more for it because I don't trust the other choices. Those fuckers. And hell, I'll admit it: the packaging is really pretty fantastic.

It's all black boxes (boxes! not plastic! NO WAY!) with bright pops of color and minimal writing on the package. All very modern and cool, and the material on the box is all "oooh! soft and funky!" and impressive. But again, who the hell buys pads based on the packaging? I'd be really interested to see if Kotex has actually gained more users from the redesign, or if it has made any kind of impact at all. And now that we get to the actual review of the product (I completely forgot that that's what I was doing when I started): They're the same good, trustworthy product I've used for years. I don't like that the box is harder to store than the plastic bags (and yes, I know it's terrible for the environment, but dammit, I'm selfish as shit when it comes to my period), and it'll be a pain to take them when I travel. The design on the packages is really pretty, but still damn loud and not the kind of thing you want to be parading around. And yes, I know there's this whole "DO NOT BE ASHAMED OF YOUR PERIOD" thing going on, but I'll confess I'm more conservative that way and I don't want everyone to know I'm on my period by waving my packaged pads around.

I actually like the design so much that it feels kind of shitty just throwing it out. And yet again: why put so much effort into making something private look so pretty? Kotex (and all the other brands) need to figure out the reasons why women buy their products. It's not because of the packaging. More often than not it comes down to a few basic requirements: Price, practicality and usefulness. If we ever switch brands it's not because of marketing or product design--it's almost always because of positive word-of-mouth from our friends or family members. Get real and stop being so damn condescending.

In conclusion: 1) Marketing for 'period products' is massively stupid. 2) Kotex's new image, while graphically impressive, is pointless and frankly kind of annoying. 3) The actual pads are great and I won't be switching brands anytime soon, but 4) It's not because of the packaging, which is just as wasteful and silly as it's always been. 5) Getting your period is a pain in the ass. *I don't use tampons for various reasons, none of which are important here.

Rating: 8/8 tentacles