Friday, December 23, 2011

Figgy is Wrong: Christmas Edition


Figgy compiled her list of the ten worst Christmas Songs of all Time. I think she's wrong about one of those songs ("Last Christmas" is a delight of schmaltzy cheese and bad 80's fashion) and has one of those songs ranked far lower than it should be (WHY did you have to write "Wonderful Christmastime" Paul???? WHYYYY?). She's also missing a few songs that I feel are chief auditory offenders during the Christmas season. Here are my additions.

1. "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid

Bob Geldof's infamous mega-group formed and recorded this awful, horrible song in 1984 for a charity to feed the hungry in Ethiopia. EVERY year of my childhood and most of my adulthood I've heard this song. I HATE THIS SONG. Even Bob Geldof, WHO WROTE IT, hates this song. That's how bad this thing is. Also, the entire world does NOT celebrate Christmas. "Snow in Africa"? IT'S SUMMER IN AFRICA RIGHT NOW YOU HALFWIT. Honestly, you really don't get worse than this song for Christmas. Also, THANKS to Glee and Ryan Murphy for covering this tripe.

2. I would throw Paul McCartney's "Wonderful Christmastime" here, but since Figgy covered that, I'll go on to my next song. "Christmas Shoes" by Newsong.

This is emotional manipulation at it's FINEST. So awful.

3. "O Holy Night" by Christina Aguilera

"O Holy Night" is quite possibly my favorite Christmas song. This version makes my list because of Christina's desire to turn a lovely song into a pop nightmare. "O Holy Night" simply requires a good voice, not vocal theatrics. This statement can go for a lot of Christmas standards, but Xtina's version of this song is a prime example of what not to do. Why did you recite The Lord's Prayer in the middle Xtina? Spoken word interludes have no place here. WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST SING THE SONG?

4. "Hey Santa" by Wilson Phillips

No. Just no. This is one the most earworm-y of Christmas songs. It gets in your head like a virus and WON'T LEAVE.

To make up for the above list of horrors, enjoy this. Have a wonderful Christmas and Holiday Season!

1 comment:

  1. VOCAL THEATRICS. Those are the words I was looking for when I was ranting about "Jingle Bells". I hate those crazy bitches who make the songs all about them. I AM NOT IMPRESSED.