Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Curly Hair and STDs, 2 Things The Body Shop Can't Help Us With

Metric Jenn

Having curly hair pretty much begets the problem of frizz. Kind of like how being a dirty skank often begets STDs - not that I would know, of course; I am saving myself for The SkarsgĂ„rd. My analogy stands, though. 

I am sure that ANYONE with curly hair can relate to the problem of curls getting out of control, and many products that claim to control frizz oftentimes weigh down your hair, so that it looks like it's straight on top with curls at the bottom. Other products don’t do enough and it’s like you did nothing at all. I feel all of your pain. I live with it, and this is why my hair goes into a donkey’s ass bundle at the top of my head 90% of the time.

Which brings me to how I came across The Body Shop’s Brazil Nut Define & No Frizz product. Co-Worker Corey (Holla atchya, girl!) thoughtfully brought hers in to me. She doesn’t have curly hair, but somehow had it on hand. So she donated it to me, as I am willing to be a guinea pig for just about anything. Plus previously I’ve had nothing but good luck with The Body Shop products; so I was very much looking forward to another good experience. Whelp...that should learn me good about just blindly loving a brand no matter what they put out.

I’m not sure what kind of curly hair they were aiming for, but it sure as shit wasn’t mine. After I’d washed my hair, I put about a Twoonie-Sized dollop (YES, A TWOONIE! It’s a Canadian 2$ coin. Don’t question our Monopoly Money.) in my palm, and worked it through my damp-ish hair. Then I proceeded to diffuse it as usual. Much to my extreme disappointment, this product did absolutely nothing. It resulted in looking I’d stepped out of the shower, not combed my hair and decided to step into a wind tunnel. If you wanted to look like a crazy homeless person, this would be the appropriate product. With a price tag of 12$, leave this one on the shelf. That 12$ would be better spent buying bath salts to throw at squirrels.

The polar bear knows all and sees all, and eats the Monopoly Man for dinner.

As I finish up writing this review, I am at work with the bottle of Brazil Nut Define & No Frizz sitting on my desk. Co-Worker Jo stopped by and smelled it, proclaiming that “It smells nice.” Here is where I have to shake my head and hold my breath. Jo loves all things warm-smelling - vanilla, cocoa, coconut, almond. I, too, share this love, but not this time. To me, the smell should be redeeming this product at least a little - what they were trying to produce was a nutty scent, with caramel, and vanilla undertones...but instead my nostrils are assaulted with something akin to mould. 

Final judgment? INKED. This product is terrible. It doesn’t do what it’s supposed to, is fairly pricy, and smells like I’m slathering rotting wood and possum fecal matter on my head. Now, I must grin and bear this hair-travesty for the next couple of hours of work before I can go shower and scrub my hair like I’ve never scrubbed before.

Rating: 0/8 Tentacles