Friday, September 16, 2011

Drunk Kangaroo Fight? No Problem.

Author: Metric Jenn

Have a seat, you guys. I’ve got another story for you. This one involves a product that has changed my attitude towards flying. Wait, what? How the shit can a beauty product change my opinion about having to go through endless security checks, body scans, hurrying up to wait some more, and sitting in a claustrophobic plane for hours on end? Oh, just you wait, my pretties. This is an epic tale of love, loss, and redemption. But not really. I just stumbled on a really kickass product.

The year was 2004, and I was backpacking around Australia and New Zealand. I’d accumulated enough stuff that when I finally decided to head home, it looked like I was smuggling a large Maori family back with me. With airport security being what it was (and still is), they kicked me from my flight because I “can’t possibly have bought that much stuff”. HAH. How little they knew me. But the customs agents learned that I could indeed buy a lot within a short period of time.

With an indefinite departure scheduled, I took to wandering the Sydney airport shops. There happened to be a Body Shop, which was PERFECT due to the fact that my luggage was all confiscated and being searched for...illegal immigrants? Who even knows. Oh! I know! Maybe drugs...but we all know Canada has better weed than Oz. Let’s be realistic, people.

Long story short, I explained my conundrum to the sales lady, who appeared to be sympathetic, but may have just been good at spotting a sucker with too much time and money. She sold me the Vitamin C Energizing Face Spritz and I will forever be grateful. If I could somehow hunt her down and hug her today, I would.

It was PERFECT. - in a100 oz bottle, I could bring it on the plane in my purse. It was a measly $18 (well it SEEMED cheap at the time, hindsight is 20/20 from my refrigerator box down by the river). This product does what it promises: refreshes you when you feel like you’ve been hit by a drunk kangaroo.

I spent 2 days in the Sydney airport with no change of clothes and no shower. Then I had a 14 hour flight home. Before de-planing, I spritzed some Vitamin C Energizer on my face, and though it didn’t heal all my aches and pains, it did help immensely by refreshing me - body and mind. The smell is citrus orange, and it comes out in a fine mist. 2 spritzes are plenty, any more and you risk running your make up, should you have some on.

It’s been lo 6 years and 363 days since that debacle, and I still look back with fondness. I give this product 7/8 tentacles. It loses one tentacle due to the potential for make-up running and if your eyes are open even a smidgen, you will regret it and sport a squinty-eyed pirate look for an hour or so.

Rating: 7/8 tentacles

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