Kolby's Wish List: Number Ten is also on my LIST list

Kolby

I have a nasty little habit of wishing for things I don't have, including material goods and the occasional inconvenient or impossible item. Like someone else's hair or ass. *Sigh*, settling is less fun than a roadtrip with your "favorite" frenemy - you don't want to do it, in fact you'd love to tie her (or him, sure) to a guardrail and peel off down the road, cackling maniacally, while she (or he, why not?) sobs uncontrollably, tears staining her (HER, DAMMIT) cracked, sunburned face, while buzzards circle overhead and wild dogs salivate from the edge of the...wait, where was I?

Oh, yes, settling. You don't want to settle, but sometimes you have to do it to keep life rolling along. Ahem. Anyway, I was tickled to have the opportunity to create my very own holiday wish list, filled to the brim with goodies I drool over, and in some cases actually need. I was rather surprised by how completely affordable some of the items on my list turned out to be.

Never you fear, though, because this fancy schmance choo-choo veers straight off the rails before the end...

1) First things first, and in this case I really and truly mean it, I need my morning coffee. The coffeemaker I'm currently using can only be described, in the most affectionate terms, as a piece of shit. No, seriously, there isn't a better way to label the contraption I depend on for reanimation each morning. Mr. Coffee's hanging by a thread, and I'd like to replace him with the Breville YouBrew, a state-of-the-art coffeemaker that allows you to brew in a coffee cup, a travel mug or a shiny stainless steel carafe. It's not huge, and it's not over-the-top fancy or impossible to operate. It makes coffee - delicious, energizing, necessary coffee - and that's what I neeeeeed.

2) I've been attempting a healthier lifestyle lately, and a huge part of that is getting outside to run. I'm hoping that, in time, my ass will actually run off, and then I'll move onto cursing and cussing at a different body part when I get out of the shower each morning. Like many pseudo-health nuts out there, I tend to run much farther when I'm listening to horribly cliche 90s pop on my iPhone, so the second item on my wish list is an iTunes giftcard (or three). There's a special bonus in store for the friend or acquaintance who cares enough to give me one (or three!) of these: my solemn vow that I will never subject your ears to the songs I buy with your gift. Cross my heart and hope to die (heroically and while wearing fabulous shoes).

3) I'm typing this wish list on a borrowed computer, because mine died in a horrific camping accident. I...can't even talk about it. The pain is still too fresh. Anyhoo, haaaave you met Mac? The MacBook Pro, that is. It's fast, it's light, it's sleek. Gimme gimme. I've struggled for years with computers and laptops that would be put to better use as door stoppers. I deserve a brand-spanking new machine. I deserve a laptop that will love me as much as I love it, damn it.

4) I love jeans. I live in jeans. I am , therefore, somewhat choosy about which jeans I will yank up over my lovely lady lumps (oh gods, I said it...*gag*) every day. The one brand I've always loved, and which always seems to look good on me, is Lucky Brand Jeans, and their Lil' Maggie Flares are the most comfortable, flattering jeans I've ever worn. They are pricey, but they last and last, and they maintain their fit over the years. I'd like a pair in every available wash, please. Pretty please?

5) So, I'm getting older. Slightly. I've been lucky so far, in that I haven't noticed too many lines on my face or around my eyes...yet. I've given up on waiting for the invention of a spaceship built to circle around the event horizon of a black hole, just long enough to slow down Father Time's march across my face, so instead I've decided to start slathering old lady cream from head to toe. And not just any old lady cream. Creme de la Mer is the go-to moisturizer of the rich and famous. Jennifer Lopez supposedly uses it all over her body, and that wench looks seventeen. If it's good enough for her, it's probably too good for me, and that means I want it.

6) It's been established that my shower is my favorite place in the whole wide stress-inducing world. I have no clue what I'd do without my daily escape to Showertown, and I've always wanted one of those slick customized showers. You know, the ones with multiple shower heads that transport you to a tropical oasis for fifteen minutes (or an hour, whatever) every morning? Take a gander at the DTV system from Kohler. Can you imagine being able to digitally program your shower experience, with music and mood lighting and steam and soothing shower oils and.....yeah, I can too.

7) Let's forget my attempts at healthy living for a minute or two, or however long it may take to get your mouth watering for authentic barbecue. My favorite barbecue joint in all the world is David's Real Pit BBQ, a Gainesville, Florida landmark and purveyor of mouth watering delectables that have hooked many University of Florida students over the years. I can't think of college without remembering David's and their juicy, addictive pork and slaw sandwiches (on rolls slathered with garlic butter...OH MY), so number seven on my Holiday Wish List is one meal at David's. It would be the kind of heavenly experience I could conceivably be thrilled to die after.

8) Since this is a list of wishes, why not add a few that will most likely never come true (I’m OK with this – it’s sometimes just very fun to dream a little dream here or there)? One experience that falls into this category would indulge my unhealthy adoration of all things related to the A Song of Ice and Fire book series. I’d give anything to spend a day on the set of the HBO series Game of Thrones. Just one day. Preferably at The Wall. And I’d want the chance to swing Longclaw for a few minutes. Ooh, and I’d like to leave with at least one picture of me with the cast. And a lock of Kit Harrington’s glorious hair.

9) NERD ALERT! I have a bit of a soft spot for quantum mechanics, so number nine on my Wish List is a visit to the facility housing the Large Hadron Collider. Don’t know what the LHC is? Then you are a fool and must suffer with your blind ignorance for the rest of your life! I kid, I kid – the Large Hadron Collider is a massive particle accelerator built underneath Switzerland and France. Wikipedia has a decent article on it, and the experiments so far conducted using this technology. Also, THIS is nerdtastic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM.

10) Last, but by absolutely no means least, is my dream car, the BMW M3 E92 Coupe. M-Technik, or just M, is a subdivision of BMW that essentially “upgrades” certain specific BMW models with more powerful and responsive engines, improved handling/suspension/braking systems, and aerodynamic body enhancements. My goodness, they are beautiful, powerful machines. And I’ve wanted one since I was 16 years old. A black one. With a black interior. Is it getting hot in here? Vroom vroom, Santa Baby.