Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Martha Would NOT Approve: Weird Holiday Decor


I love elaborate holiday decor as much as the next person.  But sometimes, driven the desire to impress, people go a little overboard.  I'm not talking about excesses of Griswold proportions.  I'm talking about the ones who stray from the usual decor and end up with the weird stuff.  Like the deer hanging from the tree over there.  Such festive blood!

I scoured the internet for some of the strangest holiday decor out there.  These decorations are all a little odd, and unfortunately, they're all available right now via the links I've provided.  If, you know, you're into that kind of thing.

Geoffrey the Butler

So you're planning a holiday get together and you want to show off a little.  Nothing tells your friends and family that you're rich and successful like a butler, right?  Even a creepy fake one like ol' Geoffrey here.  The page on where I found this "convivial" gentleman describes his eerie smile as a "know all, tell nothing grin."  Because those eyes?  They see EVERYTHING you do.  EVERYTHING.

Available for $1,399 from Frontgate.


Winter Dream Ram Bust

Ugh.  F*cking hipsters.  This handmade, "utterly dreamy" fake ram's bust looks like someone got really drunk, then glued bits of wool into the shape of a head and threw glitter on it until they passed out.  Which, actually, sounds like a hell of a lot more fun than cutting out paper snowflakes and making chains out of construction paper.  Maybe I need to step up my arts & crafts game.

Available for $498 from Anthropologie


Inflatable Santa Clause [sic] in Bathtub

Oy.  Look, at last count*, there were 1,253 different inflatable versions of Santa Claus that you can buy for your front yard.  There's Santa in his sleigh, Santa in a chimney, even Santa on a motorcycle.  So why, for the love of God, would you want Santa in his birthday suit for the whole world to see?!?  Let the imaginary man have his dignity! 

Also, the misspelling of his name pains me.  It PAINS me.  

Also also, what the hell is that reindeer smiling at?  Avert your eyes, Vixen!

*I didn't actually count.  Sue me.  

Available for $134.95 through Amazon


Inflatable Hunting Snowman with Rifle

This next one came from a friend on Facebook... which means someone out there in the real world went out and bought this and then displayed it ON PURPOSE.  Maybe it was the same person who did the deer light display from the header photo?  All I know is, nothing says "Happy Holidays and Peace on Earth" like a giant inflatable shotgun.

Available for $145 through Amazon.


Santa Lamplighter

Along the lines of the last dubious decoration, this one just screams "Merry Christmas," doesn't it?  Or maybe that's just Santa screaming in horror as he discovers that he's been decapitated and his head stuck on a stick.  This is definitely a welcoming sight for all your holiday guests.  

Please note: "Swag Not Included."  You'll have to provide your own.  

Available for $47 from Bronners.

I think I'll stick to my paper snowflakes.  Happy Holidays!

1 comment:

  1. That last one is how Joffrey would decorate King's Landing for Christmas.