Monday, February 27, 2012

Pinky's Picks For Oscar Best And Worst

Pinky McLadybits

Oh, Oscars! You always fall right around my birthday and I watch you nearly every year. Every year I am bored, nervous, annoyed, giggly, and awed by the outfits celebrities parade around in. This year was no different. I laughed at Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis with their cymbals and I tittered at Christopher Guest and company (FLYING MONKEYS!). I was ridiculously bored with hot Billy Crystal, finding him wasted with cheesy jokes and idiotic montages. I was crushed by Michelle Williams and Gary Oldman losing in their respective categories and delighted by the only win for the Muppets Movie.

The best part, however, is checking out and eviscerating the dresses when necessary. There were many time that it was very necessary. Can I just say that I HATE the trend of wearing boring white, plain black, nudes, beiges, and other no-colors? Because I really, really do. ONTO THE DRESSES! (All names link back to People Magazine, where I found the photos)

Sandra Bullock

I know that I hate the severe hairstyle. That ponytail only works with certain outfits and this isn't one of them. I was unsure at first about this dress. I feel like the bottom is quite flattering to Sandy and I like the gold detail at the waist. I even like the draping of the top. The best part is the back of the dress, giving it an Old Hollywood Glamour look without being overly revealing. I like it!

Gwyneth Paltrow

Listen, with the cape/coat on this dress makes her look like a Cult Leader. And the cult is definitely called The Order Of The High Goop Priestess Of Being Better Than You. I hated the dress with the cape on, absolutely. Then when Gwyneth and RDJ presented together and she had shed her Koresh Kape, I could see just how well it really fit her. It's a great shape and fits her beautifully. I only wish it came in some sort of color other than white.

Cameron Diaz

Oh look! Another colorless dress on the red carpet. I feel like the dress is beautiful but the color makes it boring. This would have been simply amazing in a jewel tone that would have really made Cameron's skin pop. Instead we get this flesh-tone and shitty hair. Really, Cameron? You went with that hair? It's these kinds of decisions that put you in movies like The Green Hornet.

Penelope Cruz

This is amazing. This photo doesn't really do justice to just how exquisite she looked on that red carpet. Someone referred to her in our chat as "Spanish Grace Kelly". Definitely! She looks polished and regal and didn't choose a boring flesh tone or shade of beige. The blue works really well for her and the low-key jewelry serves the dress well. I really adored this look last night.

Sherri Shepherd

How did you get here? Put your breasts away and get out. Oh, and thanks for wearing that amazing blue. Too bad it's such an ugly dress.

Natalie Portman

This is another simple dress with a pop of color and an unexpected pattern that I really liked. Thankfully, Natalie went fairly simple with her accessories, letting the shape of the dress really shine.

Emma Stone

We adore Emma Stone. This dress? Not so much. The color is amazing! Her hair, makeup, and jewelry are outstanding! The cut of the dress and the way it flowed around her when she walked were gorgeous. The neck-eating bow was unfortunately distracting and just a bit too much for what would have been an otherwise perfect outfit. But we still adore Emma Stone, especially after her little presenter skit. "JONAH! DANCE WITH ME!"

Jennifer Lopez

TRY SOMETHING NEW. We've seen this hair, styling, and similar dress EVERY PLACE YOU EVER GO. Shit, you wear stuff like this on American Idol. BORING. And I saw your areola or your nipple. BOOB TAPE. Or maybe just don't come to the Oscars next year. Let's go with that.

Tina Fey

Oh, Tina. I'll forgive you the weird second skirt at the waist area. I'll forgive you that hair. But I cannot and will not forgive this boring color. TRY YELLOW. Damn, TRY ORANGE. I don't care! WEAR A FUCKING COLOR THAT YOU CAN'T FIND IN A GOTH'S CLOSET!

Anna Faris

It was either Cindy or Figgy that called this one: shiny garbage bag. Yep. It fits like a mother of the bride dress and it shines like a wet garbage bag in the glow of a street light. Nope. Do not like.

Gary Oldman


Kristen Wiig

I tried. I tried to come up with something witty to say about the hideousness that is this dress and this color on Wiig. I can't. It washes her out and the color is like tea-stained teeth. Sigh.

Glenn Close

Great color on her, boring hair, TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET. It's cool. You can show your arms. It would have taken this dress from pretty good to FUCK YEAH, GLENN CLOSE! Trust me. I pretend to know these things.

Rooney Mara

Listen, I want everyone to say it with me: this is not Lisbeth Salander. She just played her in a movie. She isn't really edgy, nor is she punk. She's just a fair to middling actress that was able to take her ability to dye her hair black and get a bad haircut and some piercings and parlay it into a role that got her nominated. I haven't seen the US version of Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, so I can't speak to her abilities in that role. I can say that I've seen her other movies and found her to be forgettable and her line delivery to be as exciting as standing in line at the DMV. But I am so tired of people thinking that she is Lisbeth. She is not. And this dress sucks. Her sister, Kate Mara, looked amazing, though.

Michelle Williams

I don't care what anyone says, I absolutely adore Michelle Williams. She can do no wrong in my eyes. I even liked her rain cloud dress at the Oscars luncheon! I really love this dress. The tier at the waist is less distracting than Tina Fey's because it isn't as big, or at least doesn't appear to be. She also has the gorgeous color of the dress going for her, making her skin glow all the more. Her pixie cut allows her face to be the focus and her makeup takes advantage of that. She kept her accessories simple and surprising and I feel like she was really the best dressed, tied with Chastain.

Maya Rudolph

The dress may not be anything spectacular but I love the color on Maya. I also love that you can tell how sexy and beautiful she felt in that dress and it makes her look even better to everyone else. I think the cascade of curls was a good choice as well. Just lovely.

Viola Davis

This emerald green is so stunning on her. The dress isn't all that amazing, but the gorgeous jewel tone made me focus on it instead of the cut of the bodice. Viola was stunning and her huge smile and the way she carried herself told everyone that she knew she was looking great. I also love her hair!

Shailene Woodley

"Hello, I'm Loretta Lynn. I was boooorned a coal miner's daughter, in a cabin on a hill in Butcher's Holler...."

Jessica Chastain

Soft hair. Soft makeup. Minimal jewelry. BAM! Amazing dress that fits her perfectly. And Jessica Chastain was hilarious and adorable with interviewers. I think I love her now.

Melissa McCarthy

I was so sad that Melissa McCarthy didn't win. I did like this dress, though. So much better than the Emmy dress. This one fit her better and has such nice neckline and waistline accents. The color is soft but lovely and only adds to her skin's glow. My only gripe is with the sleeves. I wish she hadn't had the sleeves on. It's okay to show your arms, honey. You're beautiful and talented and I wanna see your arms!

Penelope Ann Miller

Bad color. Boring. Just not exciting in any way.


  1. Ooh ooh, now I can share thoughts! :-)
    I hated Sandy's dress. It looked baggy in all the wrong ways. Except from behind, but unless you walk everywhere backwards, that is useless.

    I hate the Goop. She looked fine when she wasn't playing Superman's Mom.

    Cameron's dress looks like she was mauled by an angry bird on her way to the ceremony. Hated it.

    Natalie Portman's dress was adorable, I just wish the bodice fit. If you looked at it from any angle other than head on, you could see a huge gap. My guess is she was fitted with nursing breasts and isn't packing quite that punch these days.

    Love Emma. However, she needed to cut off the Tumor Bow and put on a darker lip color for me to be happy.

    Consesus at my gathering was that Anna Faris' dress was originally white and used to sop up the BP oil spill.

    Michelle Williams didn't look twee. I'll take progress.

    Maya and Jessica (along with Octavia) were my best dressed of the night. Loved them.

    THANK YOU for mentioning Kate Mara in a positive way! I thought she looked like pink champagne in a good way.

    In addition to sleeve issues, we wanted McCarthy's dress to be just a touch darker. Or a different color altogether. She, however, was awesome. And I love her for pulling a shooter out of her cleav mid presentation.

  2. See, this is how I know you're blind AND dumb. Gwyneth looks AMAZING. She looks Old School Hollywood Bitch and she will take you down.

    Michelle Williams looks like a lamp in a brothel. Fucking ugly and that stupid bow clip is making me want to punch things.

  3. Yeah, Pinky, I hate to agree with Figgy because she's ALWAYS WRONG and frankly I don't know what this means for my identity and my future life, but Michelle Williams looked like warmed-over ass with ruffles and Gwynnie was stone-cold awesome.

  4. Yes, to everything on this list. EVERYTHING. I see a lot of hating on Melissa McCarthy's dress and loving Rooney Mara's and Gwyneth's dresses (no capes, ever!). Those people are cray cray. And dear God, Anna Faris, all I can say is: seriously? You cannot have looked in the mirror and went "damn I look gooood"

  5. Erin, maybe she only looked in the mirror when standing next to her hubs? And his loveliness was too dazzling?