Friday, February 10, 2012

All the Single Ladies: Single Girls' Guide To V-Day


Valentine’s day is coming up, as I’m sure you’re aware thanks to commercials, made for TV movies, made for movies movies, and the excessive amounts of pink decorating any retail store you go to. If you’re single, even if you’re cool with being single, it can be a bit of a rough time of year. Here’s my way of making it slightly less awful on myself:

1. Ditch the Anti-Valentine’s Day rants: Yeah, it’s annoying and commercialized and a plot to sell us pink shit, overpriced chocolates and sparkly things. Yes, you should value the one you love everyday. Sure, it’s a hollow gesture to take someone out to dinner and give them flowers once a years because there’s a day on the calendar that says you should. Everyone knows this or at least acknowledges that point of view. Being aggressively anti-Valentine’s isn’t going to win you friends or converts, it just means you’re that grumpy person no one wants to talk to for a week or two in February. And if you’re already single, knowing that your colleagues and friends are avoiding you is only going to make the season worse.

2. Plan activities for the days before and after Valentine’s Day: If the time of year really does get to you, make sure you’ve got other things to look forward to or concentrate on to help get you through. Have you always wanted to take a cooking or yoga class? Visit a nearby landmark or attraction? Is there a movie out you want to see? Make plans to do that for a couple days after Valentine’s day and then you can just remind yourself that you’ve got that ahead of you. But be warned…

3. Don’t go out on Valentine’s Day: Being single and loving it is great and all, but going out on a day when almost every restaurant, bar, and maybe even movie theater is going to be running couples specials can piss in your corn flakes no matter how confident you are. Aside from being surrounded by couples in various degrees of schmoopitude, service people will probably assume you’re waiting for someone or meeting someone and you’ll have to do that weird little “No, just me” “Oh… well then…” interaction.

4. If you have to be in public, enjoy yourself: Valentine’s day falls on a weekday this year which means that most of you will probably have to interact with coworkers or the public in some way. Don’t engage with people who clearly want to feel superior to you because you’re single. Keep your headphones handy, make polite excuses about being really busy, and in certain cases feel free to lie. If you work retail and everyone through your register asks if you have plans tonight? Say whatever you think will move them along the quickest. They’re probably not really that curious, they’re just trying to make polite conversation.

5. Don’t be afraid to buy into the hype: Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Wear a red sweater, pass out those little cheesy Valentine’s cards for kids, buy yourself flowers a la Cher from Clueless. Tell anyone asking stupid questions that you are your own Valentine. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re under any obligation to be miserable and lonely, and if you’ve got some other single friends you can get together an awesome party. And finally…

6. Get some discount candy the day after: Hells yeah. I don’t care what anyone says, the little heart shaped Reeses cups taste better than the circle kind.

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