Thursday, September 29, 2011

Hairspray That Holds Without Crunch? Unpossible!

Author: Pinky McLadybits

I've never been a real girly-girl. While in high school I believed that carrying purses and wearing makeup were a patriarchal form of control and power over women, forcing them to sleep less than their male counterparts to apply colors to their faces and using additional brainpower to keep tabs on all of the crap they carry in their purses.

I didn't really get any dates in high school.

Ahem. Anyway! I don't use product in my hair on a daily basis, unless a rubber band counts. When I flat-iron my hair I use dry shampoo to avoid washing my hair for as long as hygienically possible afterward. I'm lazy. So when I actually needed to style my hair and have it stay in place for more than seven hours, I had to visit my local CVS and stare wide-eyed and slack-jawed at the many hair products lining their shelves.

Mousses were scary because I imagined crunchy hair that made me look like a lost extra from the set of The Wedding Singer. Gels or waxes were no match for the heft and fury of the wild red mane atop my head. They would just serve to make me look like I had dipped my head in a bucket of grease. Hairspray. I would have to actually buy hairspray to smooth out the flyaway hairs and keep everything in place. And now I would have to decide between the myriad of hairsprays available to purchase.

Luckily, my decision was made for me when I saw a big SALE tag promoting Fruitopia Ultra Firm Hold Freezing Hairspray as being less than three dollars (possibly less than two dollars; I can't recall). Sold. I am nothing if not cheap.

Fast-forward to whenever it was that I actually needed to fix my hair. I was nervous. I had my hair in a nice, simple updo and held in place with a pretty barrette. Aw. Now I just needed to smooth the top with the help of a little hairspray. I was absolutely terrified that I would spray myself full in the eyes and die where I stood. That didn't happen (surprise!). I was able to easily spray and smooth my hair, without any sticky residue on my hand or crunchy hair making me self-conscious. I was relieved. I was also happy that my hair remained smooth and in place throughout the entire eight or so hours I needed it to look nice. Bonus!

Alas, I have been unable to find any links online for you to purchase this lovely product. For that reason, I must deduct 2 tentacles from my rating. It does little good to praise the piss out of a product that no one else can get their hands on. It's really just mean. However, you may be able to find Fruitopia hairspray at your local CVS or other drug store. It's a crap-shoot, kids.

Rating: 6/8 tentacles

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