Crap on a Stick: Lady Speed Stick "Invisible Dry" Deodorant

Figgy

Let's talk about something that's both super sexy and attractive: Sweat and armpits! Mmm, can you feel the SEXY?

Ugh, I grossed myself out. Let me throw some other sexy words at you: Pit stains, unnappealing smells, deodorants that smell like baby ass, deodorant stains on your pretty black shirts. It's all a real pain in the ass.

The point is: it's been 28 years and I haven't found a deodorant that does the full job- keep the sweat at bay, doesn't smell like funeral flowers (or baby ass) and doesn't leave stains on my clothes. Was the Lady Speed Stick the answer? After all, it claimed to be perfect for wearing black--wait, it told me to 'dare to wear black!' and because I am a daring woman, I took the challenge. Did it work?


NO. IT SUCKED AND IT LIED AND IT SUCKS.

Damned thing ruined my work outfits twice. And yes, I could just have put on my deodorant on after my clothes, but that sometimes requires physical maneuvers I'm not prepared to do when I haven't had my coffee and the house is freezing and also I don't have to explain myself to you. Ahem. Anyway, point is that it left stains on my clothes, and they looked ugly.

And it didn't last for shit. The damned thing seemed to wear off mere hours after I'd put it on, and I don't exactly need to be carrying a stick of deodorant around in my purse. The smell of the deodorant itself wasn't too offensive, but that might have been because the power of it is so shitty that the smell just dissipated as quickly as any benefits its supposed to have.

It was cheap, though, which I guess is a plus, but the damned thing wasn't even worth the $2.

Obviously, I'm giving this thing a shameful 0/8 tentacles. Listen, I'm not a sweat machine and I don't do any exercise, so it's not like I need a super strong deodorant to go about my day. But the Lady Speed Stick Invisible Dry couldn't even do the minimum amount of work. Also, "invisible"? My ass.*

To the garbage!**

*I wish. Wah, waaah.
**Not literally. I spent money on it, might as well use it for when I run out of something good.

Rating: 0/8 tentacles