Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Skinny Water: Do I Look Like a F*cking Hummingbird?


I'm no fool.  I know there's no miracle drink product out there that's going to help me shed the pounds I've unfortunately been packing on lately.  I know the best thing is for me to drink water and avoid empty calories from sugary sodas and juices, but sometimes I get bored with water.

I came across Skinny Water at the grocery store the other day, and the label on one of the bottles boasted "0 Calories, 0 Sugar, 0 Sodium, 0 Guilt."  Intrigued, I grabbed a few flavors to test out.  I figured at worst, they'd just taste like flavored water.

Naturally, I underestimated just how bad they'd be.

The first flavor I tried was"Hi-Energy"- a mix of acai, grape, and blueberry.  I took one sip and almost spit it out.  It tasted like pure Dimetapp - cough medicine.  The mix claims to have guarana and ginseng to help combat fatigue and boost metabolism, but I can't honestly tell you if the drink provides an energy boost because I couldn't get past the horrible medicine-y taste.

The second flavor, "Shape," which is goji and black cherry, wasn't much better.  This one contains different minerals like potassium and calcium and various vitamins to promote optimal health.  Again, I can neither affirm nor deny this promise because I couldn't get past the first sip.  The cherry flavor wasn't too bad, but the horribly sweet aftertaste had my teeth clenching in revulsion.

But as bad as these two tasted, the third flavor I chose was the worst.  "Crave Control," with raspberry and pomegranate flavors, sounded like the perfect drink to help me control my afternoon snacking habit - it contains SuperCitriMax, an ingredient known in Asia for its appetite suppressing qualities (according to the Skinny Water website).  But as sweet at the first two were, this was by far the sweetest.  You know the nectar that you can feed to hummingbirds, that pale pink liquid that's basically just sugar and water?  That's what this tastes like.  Hummingbird nectar. 

A quick glance at the label tells me why these drinks are so sweet.  They contain no sugar, sure, but they're loaded with sucralose (aka Splenda).  Did you know that sucralose is 600 times sweeter than regular sugar?  600 TIMES!!!

So it looks like I'm going to go back to drinking plain old water again.  It might be a bit dull to the taste, but it's sure as hell better than drinking sickeningly sweet hummingbird nectar.  Blech.  I give the Skinny Water line a big, fat 0 out of 8 tentacles.  If you really must seek it out for yourself, you can find it at your grocery store for $1-2 a pop.

Rating: 0/8 tentacles

1 comment:

  1. Possibly one of the stupidest product names I've ever heard of. Blech.