MelBivDevoe
Last year, I brought you the Top Ten Dumbest "Sexy" Costumes for women. With Halloween rapidly approaching, I thought I'd take a look this year at the worst costumes for men.
When it comes to men's costumes, it's clear that no one expects guys to be cute or sexy on Halloween night. No, men either get to be heroes, villains, or clowns. For every Batman or Loki you'll see, there will be a Green Man running around, making everyone laugh with his crazy antics.
However, while browsing the so-called "funny costumes," it soon became apparent that costume manufacturers have a fairly lame sense of humor. Here, then, are some of the worst costumes I found.
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| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
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| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
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| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
8. Drill Master Hardware
Ok, we get it, penis!!
Notice how it's the same model in each photo so far? Poor guy apparently got pigeonholed. Wouldn't that look impressive on a CV? "Exclusively modeled dick costumes."
7. Dick's Hard Salami
I love this guy's enthusiasm. "Get it? GET IT?? I'M A DICK!!"
6. Happy Halloweenie [UGH.]
Yep, you're a dick, all right.
5. Giant Boob
Lest you think it's all just dick jokes...
I bet 99% of the photos he takes on Halloween night are of his frat brothers sucking on or tweaking his giant nipple.
4. USB Port & Stick
Look, a two-for-one! Penis AND vagina!
Those wacky costume designers just seem hellbent on reminding people that guys have penises, don't they?
3. Bathroom Wall Guy
Ah, a literal interpretation of the phrase "bathroom humor."
Every single one of those squares has "For a good time call..." written on it, I bet. And not one single woman is going to write her real number on him by the end of the night.
2. Middle Finger
Funny AND classy!
I know the model is probably trying to look tough and confrontational, but I can't help but think he's really saying, "Are you f*cking kidding me with this costume? How could this possibly get worse??"
1. Shocker
Oh. That's how it could get worse. You could have to dress up as the shocker.
If you don't know what this is, bless your innocent heart.
So, there you have it. Where women's costumes largely rely on the "sexy" angle, men's costumes appear to revolve around the almighty dick joke. It's kinda impressive, really, that costume designers can take anything and turn it into a fake penis. Impressive, and a bit Freudian, perhaps.
All of these costumes were found on Spirit Halloween.com. They have a large selection of costumes, many of which are a thousand times better than all of these gag costumes, so don't despair - there are good costumes for men out there! Happy hunting!
Ok, we get it, penis!!
Notice how it's the same model in each photo so far? Poor guy apparently got pigeonholed. Wouldn't that look impressive on a CV? "Exclusively modeled dick costumes."
 |
| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
7. Dick's Hard Salami
I love this guy's enthusiasm. "Get it? GET IT?? I'M A DICK!!"
 |
| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
Yep, you're a dick, all right.
 |
| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
5. Giant Boob
Lest you think it's all just dick jokes...
I bet 99% of the photos he takes on Halloween night are of his frat brothers sucking on or tweaking his giant nipple.
 |
| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
4. USB Port & Stick
Look, a two-for-one! Penis AND vagina!
Those wacky costume designers just seem hellbent on reminding people that guys have penises, don't they?
 |
| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
3. Bathroom Wall Guy
Ah, a literal interpretation of the phrase "bathroom humor."
Every single one of those squares has "For a good time call..." written on it, I bet. And not one single woman is going to write her real number on him by the end of the night.
Funny AND classy!
I know the model is probably trying to look tough and confrontational, but I can't help but think he's really saying, "Are you f*cking kidding me with this costume? How could this possibly get worse??"
 |
| Image via SpiritHalloween.com |
1. Shocker
Oh. That's how it could get worse. You could have to dress up as the shocker.
If you don't know what this is, bless your innocent heart.
So, there you have it. Where women's costumes largely rely on the "sexy" angle, men's costumes appear to revolve around the almighty dick joke. It's kinda impressive, really, that costume designers can take anything and turn it into a fake penis. Impressive, and a bit Freudian, perhaps.
All of these costumes were found on Spirit Halloween.com. They have a large selection of costumes, many of which are a thousand times better than all of these gag costumes, so don't despair - there are good costumes for men out there! Happy hunting!
Every single one should be tagged as #TFM. And every single one will be covered in vomit by the end of the night. Good times.
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