Cup o' Sadness: Quaker's Real Medley Instant Oatmeal

Figgy

I have no funny story about why or how I bought Quaker's Real Medley Instant Oatmeal. I just wanted some quick breakfast foods to eat every morning before work, and figured I could just try these cute little boxes of instant oatmeal. I bought two: the apple-walnut and the pistachio-cranberry mixes and took 'em home.

I tried the apple-cinnamon first, mixing it with water. Once I opened the package I was not-entirely surprised to see that there's only about half a cup's worth of stuff at the bottom of the cup. You fill it up with water and cook for 45 seconds. EASY! Which is exactly the amount of effort I want to put into making breakfast at 6 in the morning.

Unfortunately, the tiny cup of oatmeal just wasn't very good. At all. It's horribly bland, somehow, despite the 22 grams of sugar in the 75 gram serving. The fruits were nice, I guess, but I think I'd just be better off adding some damn blueberries to oatmeal I made myself, EVEN IF it took like 3 more minutes to do it. It was just mush. And don't give me that bullshit that all oatmeal is mushy because it ISN'T, if you're doing it right. There's some tiny amount of cinammon, but all you get is SUGAR EXPLOSION, which, nice as it might be as the name of my future band, just isn't good for your health. There are barely even any oats in it, so you're just eating a sad cup of brown mush, dried fruit and a handful of oats someone tossed in there seemingly out of spite.

I could hardly finish eating Quaker's Real Medley Instant Oatmeal. The cranberry-pistachio was slightly better once I used milk instead of water, but it was just a minimal improvement. It was just still overly-sugared mush with some nutty bits.

At least it's healthy and filling, you say? LIES. This cup of sadness is goddamn 290 calories! FOR WHAT? Some pieces of cardboard, water and weirdly bland sugary taste? A PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HOUSES.

That's what I get for falling for the cute, fancy package and not just buying the damn box of oats for like a dollar more. Lazyness gets you sadness and disappointment, yo.

I'll not trust your grinning, devious ways again, Mr Quaker. Not for all the fancy hats in the world. I SAID GOOD DAY.

Rating: 0/8 tentacles

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