Secret Smooth Effects: Smells Like Less Shaving!

Author: Pinky McLadybits

Do you remember how I told you about my friend's wedding? And how nervous I was? Nerves lead to sweating all on their own, but the sweltering temperatures that my weather app were predicting were threatening to make my underarms a threat to public safety. Gross.

The deodorant I was using, by Dove, was merely passable. I ended my days smelling of the pungent mix of powdery baby ass and body odor, which is altogether disgusting and unpleasant. I did not want this to happen on one of the most important days of my friend's life. 

While wandering through my local Big Lots for things I probably don't need but should probably buy because of the low cost, I decided to buy a new deodorant. The shelves are generally filled with what the store got from places that over-purchased or products being phased out or some product's particular package design that isn't being used anymore. What I'm saying is Big Lots is like that goofy quote from that one Tom Hanks movie, and you never know what you're going to get. And shrimp can be used in many different dishes.

That day Big Lots had Secret Smooth Effects in Wildflower Fresh scent. The sticker on the cap proudly proclaimed SHAVE LESS OFTEN. I hoped that was a promise and not an order, since I like hairless lady-pits as a rule. It was only $3 and couldn't be any worse than the stinky Dove I was using, so I bought it. 

Upon returning home, I packed the Secret Smooth Effects in my overnight bag. If it was going to disappoint me in the not-smelling-like-trash-department, I didn't want to worry about it until it was too late. After showering at the hotel on the Big Day, I applied copious amount of the Secret Smooth Effects. It has a little clicky dial that pushes the not quite solid deodorant through petal-shaped holes. It goes on smooth and dries quickly, unlike most roll-ons, so you don't end up standing with your arms up to avoid marking your clothes. I love that. 

The smell is very pleasant and flowery without being like a grandmother's perfume. No offense to grandmothers, but I'm not ready to smell like you. As promised, the wedding ceremony took place in a heat that can only be described as hell on earth. Afterward, I had tiny beads of sweat escaping down the back of my legs while I indulged in an ice-cold Yeungling. My underarms, however, were still dry, fresh, and sweet-smelling. I'll go ahead and credit this victory for my consumption of three more beers, a flute of champagne, and the one cigar I had that night. I salute you, Secret Smooth Effects in Wildflower Fresh scent! And I drink and smoke in your name!

As I write this, it has been twelve or so days since the wedding. I gave up on using Dove and made this Secret my primary deodorant. I have noticed that my underarm hair is finer and softer than I can ever remember it being. It seems that this product has made good on its promise to shave less often, though I shave the same amount. I could get away with less shaving if I wanted to, which is what you should take from this. Another victory in the name of Secret Smooth Effects! If only I had another cigar...

Rating: 8/8 tentacles