Monday, September 26, 2011

The Sign That Fashion Has Completely Given Up?

Author: Park


Fashion is cyclical.  What this is supposed to mean is that styles from past generations influence future styles in new and intriguing ways.  What it seems to actually mean is that styles come back almost exactly the same as they were when you were a kid, but stupider and more unattractive.  The circular pattern appears to be not so much a life cycle as the imminent approach to a giant drain.  If the pattern continues, in a few years we’ll be walking around in snuggies, but made of the cheapest fabric imaginable and they’ll somehow be cut really slutty.

I couldn't agree more

Now, hey, I realize the appeal of leggings.  I live in Canada so leggings mean that I can wear dresses in the winter without: a) freezing to death or b) buying tights that no matter what seems to only last two washings without disintegrating in some way.  However, what I don’t understand is leggings as pants.  Unless you’re planning to bring back Elizabethan fashion (and the return of the codpiece would be pretty amazing) they are simply unnecessary to wear as pants.

And why is that?  Because now we have pants! Ah, pants: so comfortable, so warm, so able to be worn without showing every part of you anatomy to the general public.  Pants...they’re great!
The amount of fun pants bring you may not be exactly as shown (but almost that much fun)
Now, I have been being cranky about leggings as pants for a year or two now, and like many things they had ceased to bother me that much.  In the same way that a former neighbor's weird sex noises one day slipped into the background of the night sounds I regularly heard (like crickets, but with more “baaaaaaaaaabeeeee hugina chugina” sounds) leggings as pants became something I grudgingly became used to.  However, the fashion industry is never pleased with one hideous trend, and is always searching for a way to take the trashy and make it even trashier.  Hence the arrival of jeggings and the reminder that “baaaaaaaaaaabeeee hugina chugina” is a really annoying sound.

What jeggings are if you don’t know, is one of two things: skin tight stretchy jeans which are only attractive on a small percentage of the population OR the evil stepsister of that look, regular leggings/ thick pantyhose material with the image of jeans emblazoned on the fabric.  Skin tight stretchy jeans can be a little tacky, but silkscreened jeans? Even from far away it just looks like you’re wearing super cheap jeans.  Its as if the fashion industry decided that all optical illusions should just make people feel kind sad.

There’s also the shiny leggings that seem to say “I’m a superhero, but only from the waist down.  And the leggings with the zippers that go a quarter of the way up the leg that seem to say “my ankles need air...STAT.” And the wet look leggings that seem to say “I really like leather pants, but wish they could somehow be much less breathable.
The picture's cut off because not even a professional can "smise" in pants that uncomfortable
They’re like those “pre-distressed” pants from a few years ago with the fake dirt that just made you look like you had pooped your pants.  Also, am I the only one who realizes that the more you wear leggings the more they stretch out?

Apparently, yes
 I know that the fashion industry has to come up with new idiotic things for us to wear every few years, if only so that they have something to high five each other about at fancy parties.  But what's say we move on to the next thing.  This leggings as pants thing has gone far enough.  How about, say bringing back giant white sneakers A la Seinfeld, or say anything else that doesn't make a trip to the grocery store like walking past a Georgia O'Keefe exhibit (those pants are TIGHT y'all)

Okay, some people can pull them off. Way to prove me wrong Conan!


2 comments:

  1. I agree with all of this. I hate the skinny jeans, and on a recent trip to the mall I saw skinny jeans in a multitude of hideous colors: Maroon, Aqua, purple (which I love just not on jeans). Oh, and some were corduroys too, to add a little 70s to your "new" 80s look.

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  2. Ugh, yes! And I agree with Even Stevens about the comeback of colored jeans. They were a mistake in the 80s - they are a mistake now. LEARN YOUR HISTORY!

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